25 Hidden Truths of Silicon Valley

1. not everyone makes $125K + bonus right out of college

2. there are places in the country where you can make $15 a hour and own a home, raise kids, and have plenty of leisure time.

3. not every workplace looks like Disneyland, Chuck-e-Cheese, or a fancy gym. some people actually have to pay for massages, change their own oil, and god forbid go to the laundomat on their own time just to have clean clothes to wear.

4. millions of people have to pack their own lunch every day in brown…paper…bags.

5. millions of people still do not have internet access or even access to a computer

6. people have real friends that they visit and talk to on a regular basis, not 1000 facebook friends that you have never met in person.

7. unicorns are just mythical animals in children’s fairy tales…essentially a white horse with one horn made out of twisted keratin protruding from forehead.

8. when most people think of rich young people they think trust fund kids with very old white sounding names, pro athletes, singers, actors, and models.

9. they think Fast Company is a magazine about NASCAR sponsors

10. people do not worship steve jobs or zuckerberg…god forbid many people do not even know who in the world are these people and even if they did would care less about them.

11. disruptive is a child who did not take adderal but still has to sit through sustained silent reading for 10 minutes after lunch

12. Clouds are in the sky and big data is the realm your office fantasy football league organizer

13. A stock option is somehow related to how many calves or piglets one is obligated to buy at the next livestock auction.

14. Liquidity events pertain to heavy drinking binges at the local bar after a rough week at work.

15. Not every one and their secretary drives a leased BMW, Tesla, MBZ, baby Porsche (boxster/cayman), Audi, etc.

16. Sand Hill Road likely terminates at a pile of sand or aggregate.

17. A starter home can be had for $80K in most parts of the USA, not $1.5M.

18. You can literally buy an estate in an affluent suburb of most any major city in the USA for $1.5M (I am talking at least 1 acre lot, 5000 sq ft home likely with at least 1000 sq ft basement, four car garage, tennis court, pool, etc.)

19. there are places where women are plentiful, attractive, and will actually talk to you and won’t even ask what your net worth is or how big your pre-IPO stake is in your startup is on your first date…that would be considered rude in most parts of the USA.

20. Riding the double decker bus automatically makes you a despicable, clueless tourist, or working stiff in most parts of the world, not a member of the gentrifying tech elite.

21. Change the world? I’d rather watch the sunset and eat Walmart ice cream with my children.

22. People outside SV think Marissa Mayer is an heiress to a certain Wisconsin based lunch meat empire.

23. Most business models in the real world involve making physical things or providing a physical service. Most are not quasi-legal enterprises where the point is to get big fast enough and be able to hire enough lawyers with investor money to stay one step ahead of the law and regulators. If the company gets shut down or key components of business plan are stopped, insiders walk away with tens if not hundreds of millions.

24. The “sharing” economy isn’t. When money changes hands, it is no longer sharing. Sharing economy is a euphemism for creating a web and/or mobile platform to insert yourself between natural buyers and sellers and take a cut while walking on your desk treadmill. It is not usually normal outside of wall street and SV to create business models to privatize profits while publicizing risks, i.e. ride sharing driver taking paying passengers in his own car with only personal (not commercial) car insurance.

25. When people talk about “ecosystems” they mean a chart with deer, cougars, bears, microbes, frogs, fish, pond scum, trees, and other various organisms that eat each other and use each other up in an effort to survive…ok that sounds kind of like silicon valley too.

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